Two new things happening aboard ship today. Firstly, responding to many requests, we’re experimenting with offering a choice of Cheddar or American Cheese on your burgers. Secondly, we introduce a new burger for onion haters, The Jupiter. It’s seared on the griddle with no onions and is thicker than The Basic.
Why Jupiter? It is widely known throughout the galaxy that inhabitants of Jupiter loathe onions. This trait often makes them the butt of onion related insults and practical jokes.
Results of this experiment shall be reported in the forthcoming document, Rocket Cheese Experiment Conclusions.

Today’s Interplanetary Tip War . . .