Did you know that the rocket functions as a relay point for the SETI program? That’s the organization whose pursuit is the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence. We are also allied with the Arecibo Observatory in Puerto Rico. The Cornell staff, while lacking the charm of Brown students, manages to keep the place running, collecting data from the depths of space. They also boost the rocket’s telecommunications signals. Patricia is a native of the Isla del Encanto and big thanks go to her for calling in this favor. The amazing thing is not that the rocket is able to employ such powerful technology, but that it can do it while cloaked. At this very moment, I write to you from the rocket’s hot kitchen while parked on Thayer Street, completely invisible to passersby. Impervious to all known detection systems, the system also projects a three dimensional dummy image to any desired point in space. This capability was an offshoot of research done at Grumman in their public transit division. At best, the need for invisible city buses was overestimated. Though embraced by many public transit unions throughout the United States and Europe, the program was transferred to a top-secret development division whose name is unknown.
When first introduced to these capabilities, the temptation to use them for criminal purposes was strong. But, alas, we are gastronauts. While the majority of culinary professionals revel in criminal undertakings and other anti-social activities, we need to do good. We will commit no crimes, culinary or otherwise.