Announcing rocket’s Fruitcake Trade-In Program. If you desire to rid yourself of a whole fruitcake, or even a slice, bring it to the rocket today and we’ll give you an Avery’s soda. That’s right, you get Birch Beer, Root Beer, Black Cherry or Lemon Lime in exchange for fruitcake. We defy you to find a better offer.

*We do ask that a purchase accompany this swap.

*Observing its well known half-life (t½), all fruitcake will be disposed of in an environmentally friendly manner at the Fruitcake Repository Caverns in northern Maine.

*This program is in no way a disparagement of fruitcake. The crew loves fruitcake.